Monday, February 2, 2009

Jalapeno Jelly is not Exempt

The question was recently asked to me by someone all too familiar with my disdain for sweet and savory items: Does Jalapeno Jelly really count as a no sweet meat item? Well the answer is simply "yes moron you disgust me".

While technically jalapenos are meat, they are something that should never cross over into the world of sweet. A jalapeno is a vegetable (don't get scientific - I know what makes fruit fruit). Vegetables should never be combined with any type of sugar substance. This includes such aberrations as carrot-raisin casserole, syrupy bacon-wrapped green bean bundles, and sweet pickles.

Next question: Does jalapeno jelly have sugar in it? Absolutely. You should go back to kindergarten if you didn't know this. All jellies have sugar. Here is a typical recipe for Jalapeno Jelly:
  • 1 large green bell pepper
  • 12 jalapeno peppers
  • 1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar
  • 1 pinch salt
  • 4 1/4 cups granulated sugar
  • 4 ounces liquid pectin
  • 4 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
All the recipes online vary, but the key ingredients are the same - jalapenos and sugar.

I'll conclude with my favorite game which is "if you'll eat that, then why not eat this!"
Today's examples of Why Not Eat This are:
Squash Jelly
Pearl Onion Preserves
Asparagus Jam
Bok Choy Jelly
Radish Jelly
Green Bean Jam
Broccoli Jelly

Why not? You tell me! And the next time you take a bite of jalapeno jelly, I want you to swirl it around in you mouth and really, honestly ask yourself if it's really all that good. I already know the answer.

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