It’s Christmas! Let’s Ruin a Ham!

Just like Thanksgiving has turkey to screw up with cranberry sauce, Christmas has ham to screw up with a huge assortment of sweet tasting crap that is poured, rubbed, and baked on. Let's explore some of these perversions of the culinary world!

My favorite, the pineapple ham with cherries!
Then there's brown sugar and honey. You know I was at the store the other day and hams were on sale so I was looking through them and they only had two kinds: brown sugar rubbed and honey baked! No other choices! I felt like complaining to the manager.

The list of vomit inducing ham recipes continues:

• Apple-Mustard Glazed Ham
• Apricot Glazed Ham
• Baked Ham with Balsamic Brown Sugar Glaze
• Baked Ham with Brown Sugar Glaze
• Baked Ham with Honey-Apricot Glaze
• Baked Ham with Maple-Mustard Sauce
• Baked Ham with Peaches
• Baked Ham with Pineapple and Seeded Mustard Glaze
• Baked Ham with Spiced Apples and Pears
• Baked Ham with Waldorf Sauce
• Cherry-Glazed Pork Loin Roast
• Cider-Baked Ham
• Citrus Glazed Ham
• Cracklin' Roast Fresh Ham with Cider Mustard Gravy
• Cranberry and Pecan Crusted Rack of Pork
• Cranberry Citrus-Glazed Pork Roast
• Cranberry Glazed Ham
• Cranberry Glazed Pork Roast
• Cranberry-Onion Pork Roast
• Crown Roast of Pork With Rice d'Orange
• Easy Glazed Ham
• Festive Pineapple Glazed Ham
• Fruity Holiday Pork Roast
• Glazed Ham
• Glazed Ham with Pecan Crust
• Glazed Ham with Pineapple-Raisin Sauce
• Glazed Pork Loin Roast
• Glazed Smoked Ham
• Ham with Cherry Glaze
• Ham with Cider Glaze
• Ham with Cranberry Glaze
• Ham with Curemaster's Glaze
• Ham with Honey Mustard Glaze
• Ham with Peach Chutney
• Ham with Pineapple Sauce
• Ham with Spiced Cherry Sauce
• Holiday Coca Cola Baked Ham

Some observations about the list above: I LOVE Coca-Cola, but not on my ham. Why don't you reverse the order and have yourself a Ham Coke! Puree some ham and stir it up in some Coke. Enjoy!

Also, the Waldorf sauced Ham: Here's the recipe
-4 pound fully-cooked smoked boneless ham
2 cups apple juice or apple cider
2 inches stick cinnamon
1/2 cup sliced celery
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
1 cup chopped apple
1/4 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons raisins
1 tablespoon brown sugar

Anyone know what that sounds like? An apple pie with ham and celery! Does anyone else see how gross this is. It's gone too far. It's time to stop defiling our ham with these sweet sauces.

Merry Christmas everyone. Thanks for reading! 2009 is going to be a breakout year for the NoSweetMeat club. Join the group, subscribe to the blog, and by all means DON'T EAT SWEET MEAT!