Monday, December 22, 2008

It’s Christmas! Let’s Ruin a Ham!

Just like Thanksgiving has turkey to screw up with cranberry sauce, Christmas has ham to screw up with a huge assortment of sweet tasting crap that is poured, rubbed, and baked on. Let's explore some of these perversions of the culinary world!

My favorite, the pineapple ham with cherries!
Then there's brown sugar and honey. You know I was at the store the other day and hams were on sale so I was looking through them and they only had two kinds: brown sugar rubbed and honey baked! No other choices! I felt like complaining to the manager.

The list of vomit inducing ham recipes continues:

Some observations about the list above: I LOVE Coca-Cola, but not on my ham. Why don't you reverse the order and have yourself a Ham Coke! Puree some ham and stir it up in some Coke. Enjoy!

Also, the Waldorf sauced Ham: Here's the recipe
-4 pound fully-cooked smoked boneless ham
2 cups apple juice or apple cider
2 inches stick cinnamon
1/2 cup sliced celery
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
1 cup chopped apple
1/4 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons raisins
1 tablespoon brown sugar

Anyone know what that sounds like? An apple pie with ham and celery! Does anyone else see how gross this is. It's gone too far. It's time to stop defiling our ham with these sweet sauces.

Merry Christmas everyone. Thanks for reading! 2009 is going to be a breakout year for the NoSweetMeat club. Join the group, subscribe to the blog, and by all means DON'T EAT SWEET MEAT!


  1. I'm just dying laughing.
    First, please post the photo Warren made for you.
    B, I had a wonderful breakfast the other morning with my husband. As he put strawberry jam on his Chik-fil-A breakfast biscuit I smiled with love. For him and the love of the sweet and savory.
    I told him your story. Your sad, sad story.

  2. Right now the president of Chik-fil-A is repeatedly slamming his jewels with a baseball bat trying to get that image out of his head. You owe Chik-fil-A an apology...and a refund.