Friday, July 23, 2010

The Puke of Monte Cristo

So the French came up with this sandwich croque-monsieur. Then America turned into around and turned it into a long-standing Sweet-Meat violator. Well then, what exactly is a monte-cristo then? Defined by the food dictionary - it's "A sandwich consisting of slices of cooked chicken or turkey, cheese (usually Swiss) and sometimes baked ham. The sandwich is dipped into beaten egg and grilled in butter until golden brown."

Please note the absence of any powdered sugar or jam. The notion that adding sugar and jam to your sandwich makes it better defies comprehension. I blame Bennigans.
They were the first to mainstream this sandwich. They ruined it for everyone. I remember going there when I was a teen and returning the meal because it had powdered sugar on it after one bite. Take a good look at these stomach curd inducing pictures of a perfectly ruined sandwich.
I'm not even going into the health part of adding sugar and jam to fried sandwich. Let's just talk about the taste. What part of your sick mind thinks that a ham and cheese sandwich needs sugar and jelly? Why can't a sandwich be a sandwich and french toast toppings be just that? Think about this the next time you're making yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Swap the peanut butter for some turkey lunchmeat and pour some sugar over the top. I'm sure it will taste every bit as disgusting as it sounds.
It's like what Jeff Goldblum, the Chaos Theorist, said in Jurassic Park, "
your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should." The monte cristo is like a velociraptor. You think you're eating the sandwich but it fact it's really eating your empty sweet-meat loving soul. It's good thing that I, Sam Neil, am here to outwit that sandwich and send it back to the Cretaceous period where it belongs!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry you have terrible taste in food.