"Italian" Wedge Salad is not very Italian

Italian Wedge - a la carte

Applewood smoked bacon, candied pecans, gorgonzola, roma tomatoes, apple slices with roasted garlic ranch.

- Just like an Italian would make right? Just because you put garlic in your ranch it doesn't count as being Italian. Worst of all is the inclusion of apple slices and candied pecans! Just because two things have one characteristic in common, crispness, in this case it doesn't mean they're meant to go together.

• Crisco and yogurt are both creamy but you don't mix those together.
  

• Chocolate and mashed potatoes are both smooth but you don't mix those together.

It's just sad that Italian restaurants are feeling pressured to serve up this crap. It's simple. Don't order this salad and especially don't pretend to like it if you do. You're not fooling anyone and you're not impressing your date. Matter of fact, you eat this salad and you'll likely get dumped because of your horrible taste in food. Just sayin...

Landry's Fruit Filled Seafood of Shame

So, Landry's Seafood House here in H-town came out with this new promotion where they serve you a big plate of expensive fruit filled seafood and they video tape your pukey reactions on hidden cameras and then sell it to some TV show for some big time laughs as viewers watch these people come in and order up the equivalent of a huge plate of jokes on them! I mean listen to these descriptions:

• Applejack Sea Bass topped with apples and sun-dried cherries, simmered in a sweet bourbon reduction.
• Pecan Cranberry Crusted Mahi served with apple blue cheese slaw.
• Crispy Duck with Grand Marnier cranberry demi, served with vanilla bean sweet potato mash.

Who are you trying to kid Landry? You're not serving seafood entrees! You're serving dessert!

As you choke down the second bite of your $30 dish the bile in your own throat can't stay down and you end up spewing chunks all over the place! It's TV ratings gold! I'm expecting a phone call from Fox or Spike anyday wanting to hear the pitch.

Mo's bacon choco chip pancake mix

"Bacon lovers, rejoice! This pancake mix is all about your favorite breakfast meat. Featuring a delicious buttermilk pancake mix and Vosges Chocolates’ famous Mo Bacon Bar chips, it’s the perfect mix of salty, smoky, and sweet! All natural. 16 oz. Shelf life of 6 months. About 7” tall - $14.

Are you freakin kidding me?! Perfect mix of salty, smoky, and sweet is akin to saying there's such a thing as a perfect mix of babies, kittens, and hand grenades! This is not the first time ol Mo has crossed the well established no sweet meat line in the sand: Mo's Bacon Bar. This guy has to go - no question.

Who's with me for getting some kind of class action lawsuit going for Mo? There has got to be some kind of repeat offender clause. I'll look into the No Sweet Meat bylaws and get back with you.