Saturday, February 21, 2009

Thisiswhyyourefat.com

This website is opening a lot of eyes to repulsive obsession that has taken over America. That obsession? No, not fattening foods; worse. I want you to go visit the website (www.thisiswhyyourefat.com) and scroll through the all the pictures and then come right back to this blog.

I'll give you a moment.

Welcome back. Okay I need you to answer the following questions:
1. What pictures disgusted you the most?

2. What pictures did you say "That's just not right!"?

3. What pictures made you throw-up in your coffee mug?

4. Which pictures caused you to convulse uncontrollably and gouge your eyes out with a spoon and jump out of your fifth floor window of your condo and pray that your kids would never have to see or consume such horrors?

The fact is; for the answer to those questions you were thinking about all the vile creations that contained something sweet and meat. Don't deny it. What part of your soul said "I'd eat that candied bacon ice-cream or that Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe?" Just to cement my claim that some of these creations would make you want to ram your head through your computer monitor I'd like to show you all the No Sweet Meat Club violations courtesy of thisiswhyyourfat.com.

An easy one to start: Appie pie topped with Cheddar Cheese. Not the worst violation, but still inexcusable.
The waffle cone dog. What's that brown oozing substance?

Krispy Kreme hamburgers. Nothing new, but noteworthy because of the volume which implies either one of two things: 1. The demand is high enough for the justification of making that many; 2. (more likely) They made this many thinking people would actually like it. They sold one, had to answer a lot of questions to the police after the victim taste-tester died, and had a bunch left over.

One the worst - the Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe.

An even worse version of the donut sandwhich. A chocolate donut sandwhich. Dunkin Donuts won't be getting a Christmas card this year. They'll only be getting a box of my vomit.

"Hot Beef Sundae? I'm sorry, it sounded like you said 'Hot Beef Sundae'"
French Toast Sandwhich. I see a receipt. Someone actually wasted their money on this stack 0 crap.
And now for the grand finale!!! It's my favorite sweet meat violations. People jacking with my beloved bacon. What is people's obsession with screwing up bacon? You people don't realize how hard this is to post this crap. I am literally sick to my stomach while posting these pictures. Why do I do it? I do it to show you the obsurdity, the disgusting nature of our culinary trends. This too will pass. And I will be at the helm of the rebellion.

Chocolate covered bacon burger.

Donut with bacon sprinkles.
Candied bacon ice-cream.
Bacon chocolate chip cookies.
If your crying right now it's okay. You've finally hit rock bottom and realize that you've been lied to all along. That deep down you regret the sweet meat creations you've experimented with in the past. The flood of emotions is coming out now. Go with it. I'm here. I understand. Let it all out. You're not alone.

2 comments:

  1. You obviously didn't research your information.

    The hot beef sundae consists of mashed potatoes, roast beef, gravy, cheese, and a tomato.

    The Style of ASSEMBLY is what makes it a sundae.

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  2. It's like eating a cake that has been painted to look like a steak. Is it cake or is it steak? The mind games are too much to bear. This stays on the list simply for making my mind imagine an ice cream sundae topped with gravy. It went there and I don't want to go back.

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