Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving Day Horrors

People say "Come on, I really wasn't that bad was it?" And I say resoundingly "YES it was." My father-in-law piles up a plate of food 4 inches tall and mixed in with all the great turkey, vegetables, and casseroles was an enormous scoop of jellied cranberry sauce. Not only the cranberry sauce, but also the sweet potatoe casserole (the kind with brown sugar and toasted marshmellows on top). Then he would comment on how great the food was as he shoveled a fork-full of marshmallow, squash-casserole, and turkey into his mouth.

Can't we all just be a little more civilized people? Out of necessity I'm sure the cavemen mixed their food without prejudice, but why do we still insist on combining all our foods. Can you really justify making some "sweet slaw" like my aunt did this weekend? Sweet slaw = celery, sugar, cabbage, apples, and mayo. My uncle had the nerve to ask if I wanted to try it. I'd rather put a razor to the soles of my feet.

My parents served honey-ham. They claim it wasn't but I know better.

A couple days after Thanksgiving my grandmother served up some sweet spaghetti for everyone (sugar poured into the sauce). To be fair and non-hypocritical I tried a teaspoon of the concoction. AND NEARLY DID A SPIT-TAKE RIGHT IN MY GRANDMOTHER'S FACE! People tell me to have an open-mind. Well I did and look what happened! I ate that crap and hated it with an open-mind.

Damn all you sweet-meat lovers and your twisted influence on this great nation's dinner tables. Somewhere an indian is crying over your atrocities.

Turn your ways before Thanksgiving 09. It's not too late.

No comments:

Post a Comment