People say "Come on, I really wasn't that bad was it?" And I say resoundingly "YES it was." My father-in-law piles up a plate of food 4 inches tall and mixed in with all the great turkey, vegetables, and casseroles was an enormous scoop of jellied cranberry sauce. Not only the cranberry sauce, but also the sweet potatoe casserole (the kind with brown sugar and toasted marshmellows on top). Then he would comment on how great the food was as he shoveled a fork-full of marshmallow, squash-casserole, and turkey into his mouth.
Can't we all just be a little more civilized people? Out of necessity I'm sure the cavemen mixed their food without prejudice, but why do we still insist on combining all our foods. Can you really justify making some "sweet slaw" like my aunt did this weekend? Sweet slaw = celery, sugar, cabbage, apples, and mayo. My uncle had the nerve to ask if I wanted to try it. I'd rather put a razor to the soles of my feet.
My parents served honey-ham. They claim it wasn't but I know better.
A couple days after Thanksgiving my grandmother served up some sweet spaghetti for everyone (sugar poured into the sauce). To be fair and non-hypocritical I tried a teaspoon of the concoction. AND NEARLY DID A SPIT-TAKE RIGHT IN MY GRANDMOTHER'S FACE! People tell me to have an open-mind. Well I did and look what happened! I ate that crap and hated it with an open-mind.
Damn all you sweet-meat lovers and your twisted influence on this great nation's dinner tables. Somewhere an indian is crying over your atrocities.
Turn your ways before Thanksgiving 09. It's not too late.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL HUMANITY, KEEP THE CRANBERRY SAUCE AWAY FROM THE TURKEY!
So Rach (I call her Rach because I don't know her) is known for cooking up some great recipes such as Cajun Chicken Fingers or Austin Mac'n Cheese Suiza, but then as you all already know she goes out of her way to make sure that there is at least one recipe per issue that will literally make her readers do the technicolor yawn. I'm not a picky eater (except for the whole sweet-meat thing) but I seriously believe that she and the writers get toghether and try to come up with the sickest recipe known to man, then print it soley for the amusement of knowing that some poor schmuck out there will make it, eat it, and puke it. Anyway, here are some gag reflex excercising recipes for her September and October issues:
-Pork Skewers w/ Pinapple-Scallion Rice
- Honey mustard chicken with Potato Wedges
- Cod w/ Stewed Eggplant (coconut milk)
- Pineapple pork fried rice
- Tex-Mex sweetpotato tacos
- Waldorf Chef Salad
- Apricot-Balsamic Glazed Chicken
- Marinated Flank Steak w/ Sweet-hot slaw
- Smoky Pork Chops w/ Spicy Applesauce
- Creamy Chicken-Apple Chili
- Autumn Double Apple Salad
- Apple-Cheddar Turkey Burgers
- Adam's Baby Back Ribs w/ Apricot BBQ Glaze
- Cornbread Topped Bourbon BBQ Chicken (brown sugar, orange juice)
- Cucumber Melon Cooler
- Green Apple Salsa
- Tarragon Chicken Salad (grapes)
- Sweet Potatoes and Corn
- Spicy Cheese Fondue (the dip is fine but she recommends dipping apples in it)
- Apple juice pork with Squash and Golden Raisins
- Cocoa-Roasted Turkey
- Memphis style Baby back ribs
- Baked Beans with Burnt Ends
- Smoky-spicy sweet potato soup
- Savory ricotta waffles w. red-hot jam
- Pan-fried chops w/ grape salad
- Maple Sausage Stuffed Apples
That last one made me throw a little in my mouth. Seriously, you can't tell me that there wasn't one item in that list that didn't make you want to hurl!
So the other day I'm at the grocery store and I'm perusing the fine selection of bacon, sausage, links, brats and my eyes do a double-take when they scan across Aidell's Chicken & Apple Sausage. I thought to myself, "surely this is a mistake"; maybe they're just saying it has some apple flavoring (still gross) or was smoked with apple wood (yum!). NOPE! It was a literal reference to some chicken sausage with chopped up apples. So I do a search online and sure enough, here's the website: http://www.aidells.com/sausages/descriptions/
I don't want to say it gets worse because Chicken and Apple sausage is an abomination, but here are some additional freakish creations from Aidell:
Apricot Ginger Breakfast Links
Mango Sausage
Mango Breakfast Links
Spicy Mango and Jalepeno Sausage
Teriyaki and Pineapple Meatballs
They actually have some other decent looking sausages but I cannot go out in good conscience and purchase any of their other products because in a way that would be endorsing their immoral combinations of fruits and sausage.
Anyone actually tried this crap? Wait, here's a better question: Does anyone actually like this crap?! I can understand if you make a mistake and buy some or you're in college in that whole "experimenting" phase. But if you're buying this because you like it? Shame on you. Shame, Shame, Shame.
