Food "Experts"

So what's the deal with all the chef's and food critics talking about sweet and savory in the same dish adding "balance"? What a load of bull! What does that mean anyway? Why should food be balanced and what makes the combination of sweet and savory the determining factor is this so-called balance?

Does unbalanced food not taste good? Does my pecan pie need some steak seasoning to make it balanced? How about some oreo crumbs sprinkled on top of my hot dog to balanced it out?

I have all these question marks in here but trust me people, they're rhetorical. Food does not need balance. It's a made up term foodies say when they're trying to sound intelligent. It's just like people making up descriptions for wine, but that's another topic. Sweet food is okay without the saltiness. Salty or spicy food is okay without the sweetness. End of story.

The World is Coming to an End

Today my eyes saw something that cannot be undone. My colleague across the hall is a photographer and showed me a picture of the most vile and unnatural food combination in the history of civilization. What makes this combo worse than the others? The fact that these are two of my most beloved foods...when they're apart! I'm talking about chocolate covered bacon. Admit it. You just threw up a little in your mouth didn't you. I'm sorry but this is for real. If you can stomach it, go take a look at the picture in the photo album. Seriously people! Is nothing sacred. Chocolate - GOOD! Bacon - GOOD! Chocolate Bacon - Barf Central.

A Terrible Discovery

My sister-in-law whom I always assumed was an intelligent human being shocked me with the revelation that she puts sugar in her spaghetti sauce. JUST POURS IT IN!!! After I cleaned up my vomit from the thought I quickly called a lawyer and asked if there is any form of legal separation from an in-law. Sadly there is not, but I can tell you this my sweet-meat hating friends, I will never eat with them without questioning the ingredients. If sugar in spaghetti is fair game, then what isn't? Strawberry jam spread on your corn on the cob?

Exactly.

So what exactly qualifies as being an offending food combination for people like me? Some of the obvious examples are:

• McGriddles
• Chicken salad with apples or raisans
• Honey baked ham
• Sweet N Sour anything
• Sausage or bacon with maple syrup
• Pineapple or "Hawaiian" Pizza
• Pineapple on Ham
• Cinnamon Apples on Pork Chops
• Cranberry sauce with Turkey
• Brown sugar baked beans
• Sugar in spaghetti sauce
• Mandarin Orange Salad
• Chocolate dipped pretzels
• Honey Barbeque Sauce
• Honey Mustard
• Monte Cristo sandwhiches

Are you getting the idea?

Welcome to the No Sweet Meat blog!

As a young boy I realized early on that I was different than all the other kids at school. I was different than my parents, my sister, and the rest of my family. They didn't understand. They still don't understand. What makes me different? When it comes to food, I DO NOT LIKE SWEET THINGS MIXED WITH MEAT. Or anything savory for that matter.

I was the outcast at Thanksgiving when I wouldn't put cranberry sauce on my turkey. I scoff at pineapples on my ham. I cringe at the thought of cinnamon apples with my pork chop. And finally I absolutely loathe getting the slightest bit of syrup on my breakfast sausage. And yes that is a picture of chocolate covered bacon (above). There are many more examples which I will be discussing in my blog.

Please, if you are like me and want to voice out your opinion of horror that is sweet meat, do it here. I know what you're going through.