Things I'd rather do than chew on a bacon flavored gumball:

Things I'd rather do than chew on a bacon flavored gumball:

1. Watch the Twilight Series
2. Drink liquid Crisco
3. Cut off my eyelids
4. Listen to disco music
   
5. Listen to country music
6. Swim in a sewage canal
7. Kick my bare foot against a brick wall
8. Watch Xanadu
9. Eat a well-done steak
10. Eat raw chicken
11. Use a slab of raw pork as a washcloth
12. Lick the edge of a piece of paper
13. Root for Tx A&M, Tx Tech, LSU, or Florida.
14. Go see a ballet
15. Yoga
16. Drive a minivan
17. Misspell a tattoo with my wife's name on my forehead
18. Become a Jehovah's Witness
19. Watch a WNBA game
20. Scrap off my taste buds with a microplane
21. Sit in an airtight room with a bag of burning hair
22. Take a bath with 1,000 snakes
23. Pour dish soap over a bowl of ice cream
24. Walk on broken glass
25. Wash my clothes in wolf urine
26. Eat a bowl of rutabagas
27. Get stuck on the "Small World" ride a Disney World for 3 days
28. Chinese water torture
29. Drink dirty bath water
30. Stick my hand in a blender

And that's about it.